A bit of a b@#$%r-up

This is the final product of three new mediums which I've been trying for the first time....not successfully.

First, the oil pastel drawing,
second, the gouache (gooch,....sorry my friend :o)...its 'gooch' till it diserves to be called 'g..wash'), as filler

then, the 'thick' coat of white gouche,
finally, a layer of waterproof India ink.


The instructions said "scrape off". WHAAAAAATEVER.
Even if I had a surgical scalpal or in fact a darn lazer, there was no chance of 'scraping' anything off.
This resulted in me furiously using a sponge in an attempt to recover at least a glimps of 2 hours work. Hmph!

The result: A picture that has as much character as a toasted cheese sandwich.

On art courses and things

I have just returned from a week in Cape Town. My 'travels', however, took me to some very unexpected places and helped me notch up lessons in human behavior as well as art.
My first nude: wow, what fun. I loved the whole thing. From creating with like-minded yet so different individuals, to the excitement of discovering self when put in a situation of 'just do it'. (not having time तो be restricted or in fact caring about ones inhibitions or lack of experience) The first few exercises were 3 minute 'blind', continuous drawings of the model with the third being incorporating a little more detail.
We then went on to do a quick 10 minute(approximate) drawing of the model. I was rather pleased at how this came out, given that I don't normally work in charcoal, I always have an eraser on hand (which I use prolifically) and I often draw in tentative overlaying lines. We didn't have time to faf, and I didn't. The lecturer was pleased with this one saying that my proportions are accurate, although, I personally feel that I needed to explore a more expressive interpretation. (she possibly did too).
This was also a quickie. I was initially very nervous to interpret the spacial accurately and I think my nervousness showed, so it's still a bit 'tight'. In terms of accuracy and possibly also, proportion, not too bad, but again, lacks a lot of zhoooz....still, with practice, I'll get there. It was painted in ink and jik.
This was the final 'sitting', whereby the model was wrapped in toilet paper (to distort lines), and lay on her side on a small mat. The lecturer liked this out of all the pieces that I'd done as it was looser and more expressive.

I'm hoping somewhere in here, the worm will become a butterfly, that the contempory artist will suddenly emerge from her cocoon!! I want to and need to explore this. A long way to go yet.

I managed to speak to a few of the other artists at the course who all encouraged me in my dream to take this art thing to another level. I am so ready!!!

Soul City

I'm off to Cape Town tomorrow...the one place on earth where I would love to spend my twilight years.
This beautiful city evokes so much emotion within me for so many reasons. The first time I went, I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was euphoric about that as well as driving into another world of majestic mountains, ice cold seas, fishing boats and harbours, wine farms, there just seemed to be so much of all the important things...a naturalness and being able to be part of it all just by sitting down and doing nothing...except breathing and being quiet. The various cultures and manerisms, born from a heroic and turbulant history makes this city vibrant, alive, real. Here, you find your own pace for living, and whatever it is, its just fine.

I am leaving my family at home, and although I have done this a few times in the last two years, I still feel pangs of guilt. But there has to be a point where one believes that there is only one spirit and soul in your body and it belongs to you and, if you do not feed it, it will die and nobody will have the benefits.! Yes, we are placed on this earth in service to our fellow man, but not to our own detriment.

When and how does man lose faith in love. How injured do you have to be to shun affection or worse, not even recognise it when it comes to
you; that all you feel is anxiety and mistrust when someone puts their
arms around you and says "hey, I really love you". That you become
the enemy because you are being or doing something so strange
in caring and loving someone with all your heart.


There's so many questions to my life's journey at the moment, and slowly
slowly I'm learning the answers. The answers that dont come, are
obviously not meant to be answered now and just need acceptance and
patience and faith that everything is 'in Gods time'.

Nobody is an island and nobody can be placed in a box. If we are to
co-inhabit this earth in peace, then everyone in it must surely just
simply be seen as HUMAN, nothing more, nothing less, for that is what
we all are.......just human ...with frailties and faults.... but souls,
everyone, yearning for love, acceptance, validation.

We first need to claim that right, because we are worth it.

Complete and incomplete

Yay, at long last, all the 'holes' have been filled. Not perfect, but I love the colours that comes into the passage from the sunlit rooms .
At last, I'm ok with personalising our home with arty stuff and I love the freedom of being able to just DO. This is just the start! :o) Watch this space.





This one was for my middle daughters bedroom. She didn't want a specific theme, so it was a bit difficult to decide what to do...keeping it feminine but simple. My eldest daughter wanted pinks and fairy's and butterflies and of course, my son is nutty about golf.


This is what I'm working on at the moment. Its veeeeeery intense. There's lots of little dots and lines and subtle shades. I find that when I'm working on something like this, I need frequent periods where I need a distraction not only because of the concentration thing, which is quite a challenge sometimes, but because my eyes are not what they should be. I have stigmatism and doing this type of fine stuff, I dont blink as often as well leaving me with eyeballs so dry that its not uncommon to find an indentation on the surface, Nothing that eye-gell cant fix but long term, not great.


A little closer to deciding whether or not to study: A friend has gone so far as to get me in touch with a lecturer at a local university. I'm meeting her on the 31st and hopefully between her and a lecturer from UNISA, I can make an informed decision. A big one for me!!! But, I have a dream..............................................

Something New

I havent blogged for quite a while now. Its been an emotionally turmultuous three months and has
left me with little desire to share anything let alone my emotions.

Possibly having shared too much in the past has left me feeling very vulnerable and fervently adament
that I wont be doing it again in a hurry.

For the first time in my 46 years of life I have tasted the raw pain of having to just walk away from something, without reason, or understanding. My simple life has suddenly become very complicated and I'm having to deal with things that I never knew existed and have never before encountered.

I find that I'm consumed with trying to make sence of things that have in the past never ever been a consideration for me, and Lord, at my age, I'm truely battling.

However, life is what it is, and I embrace it all. I am busy with yet another old master, something which I really enjoy doing, for all its
intensity and lack of inspiration and flair. Its rather the process which I am enjoying, the learning HOW to
paint and in a way, the meditation and patience that comes with doing this type of work.

I'm breaking the intensity by doing stained glass windows for all the doors downstairs.
I have never done this before nor have I ever been shown how, but I'm having fun learning and am so enjoying playing with a new toy. I havent concerned myself with mistakes, and making huge, 'blapses' but have just gone with it and installed it regardless. Possibly a frank reminder of where I am at psychologically. mmmmmmm

I have decided to study a BVA (batchelor of visual arts) next year and have an awsome mentor (or three :o) ) that are encouraged me to just do it. I havent studied in a few years. Possibly going to have to rely on a few head-stands and Omega 3 to get the blood up to those dusty passages again. My long term goal being to work in the belly on an art musieum, restoring paintings. Boring for
some, but a privelage and possibly lucrative for others.

Will post my other bits and pieces once done.

In this last month, I have been bombarded by life lessons, some very difficult for me to accept, some very difficult for me to process or even understand .......but all very nessesary and I have so much more to learn.

I am finding the lessons very hard but God knows I am a willing and eager student if for no other reason, but to become a better person and to teach me humility, and understanding of the human spirit....and more importantly....unconditional, love.

I went to see a friend today who has just been told that her cancer has metastesized.
Last night I cried and felt at a total loss as to what to say to this woman with two young children
who knows that she is gravely ill ...... I felt that the Lord was telling me..."NOTHING"!!!

There is nothing you can to except listen and love her and PRAY.

Don't phone her every day to ask her "how are you feeling?" because she will only really be making you feel better by saying "fine"....your concern will not improve her health but possibly only create more anxiety and heart-ache within her.

Dont expect her to be cheerfull when there is so much turmoil going on inside her...it is her own...she needs to feel the pain and anxiety in its raw state and deal with it in her own way...and in her own time.

Allow her to cry and be scared if she trusts you enough to do so with you. Feeling and expressing fear is just as important to the human spirit as laughing... YES, LAUGH, allow 'life' while alive!

Offer the help but dont expect her to always gratefully accept it.......she knows what she needs help with, when and how much......and will more than likely ask you when she's ready. (for me this was my greatest lesson...I instinctively rush in and still have to quell this!)

I know this is her own journey my heart aches and breaks for her and her family right now.

This has all happened to me before, around 17 years ago... I was not in the same space emotionally...a friend, a dear, gentle and kind soul, got breast cancer which eventually spread to her liver. She was so scared ..I couldnt cope with her dying...so I didnt, and cut myself off and I never saw her alive again. This is something that will forever be on my concience..

This time around, although I feel heart-broken and helpless, I will be there as a friend for when and however she needs me. There is not much more that I can do.

God works in mysterious ways!! In life, it takes all sorts of situations to appreciate the people that truely matter to us.

My 74 year old parents are staying with us for a few months, my dad having come to have his second knee replacement. Just when things seemed to be going so well for him, he contracted pneumonia while visiting some friends in Potch and he ended up in hospital. The resulting x-rays showed that his acute lung condition, Sarcoidosis, had flared up again, which resulted in him having to drasticaly alter his meds. This would not have happened had he not gotten ill ...... his condition would have possibly progressed unchecked.

The need to establish, controll and maintain happiness, peace and harmony in our lives, according our own human standards and perceptions and the standards and perceptions as set by the dictates of an often somewhat arrogant and self-effaced society, can dangerously blind us to the fact that God is in controll of everything, good and bad. The 'bad' will not nessesarily lead to tears and the 'good' not nessisarily to joy.....and neither will garantee our salvation!

Faith and trust go hand in hand. How can we claim to have faith in Him if we do not...as children....TRUST in Him. How can we trust our fellow man if our FAITH in His direction for our lives, good or bad, is not absolute???! Our lives are being stunted because of it....the Lord is no longer the Master but is now the servant..we ask for things, expecting it to be delivered but we do not see our lives as the Lord does...we stop living out of FEAR. Our plans are not His own!

Jesus KNEW that he was to be betrayed, flogged and crucified and yet, that did not stop him from living and loving and serving. We do not know our future and yet we are fearfull of the possibility of being betrayed, flogged and crucified and therefore, through lack of faith and trust, we cannot live and love and serve.!

If we can just prostrate ourselves before the Cross and realise that we are on this earth as His servants and the servants of our fellow man who He created in love......therein will we find our peace, harmony and happiness...

If we can only humble ourselves in our nothingness as humanity....His servants.... to deeply contemplate that His devine reasoning and plan, is based on his love for us.