I have just spent some time with a very precious and dear aunt. She has been living here for the past five years and what a beautiful home she has. Every time I'm with her, I'm always reminded of how vulnerable we are to circumstances. We never know what path our life will take and how past, present and future decisions will impact on it. We all just do the best we can at the given time and even if we make mistakes which cause heartache, worry and sadness in our lives, and in those around us, I guess we just need to have faith that everything has been pre-ordained....even the bad choices. God in his infallible and incomprehensible mercy and wisdom, knows us intimately, our past, present and future...he ensured the "you" would be created out of the zillions of little sperm...for reasons of His own....mistakes, weaknesses, blemishes and all. He alone knows the reason why we are called to endure.

The day after arriving here in CT, I learned that a long-time friend, who had just lost her teenage love and husband one and a half years ago, has now lost her eldest son to suiside. He was only 24. I phoned her not knowing what to say...what does one say to someone who has just experienced such a gut-wrenching loss yet again??? I sobbed over the phone..that was all that would come out. My heart is shattered at her loss and the seemingly sencelessness of it all.

There are so many hurts and worries and challenges that people close to me are experiencing. I am humbled by them all and am called to remember the transience of life, the importance of family and friends and the need for deep, unconditional love...given and recieved.

I have run away from my first JHB exhibition to come to my soul home!

About a month ago, a gallery asked me to bring my paintings in for an exhibition. I didn't as
I found the entrance fee for the exhibition pricey. The day before I left to come to CT with
my work, they phoned me and told me that they weren't going to charge me and that they
would give me the best wall in the gallery....right at the entrance.
I guessed that I had nothing to loose, so ran around like a mad person, framing, and CV'ing


Well, dont know whats going on up there and in truth, it doesn't really matter. Whatever will be will be. If my work sells, great...if it doesn't, well...most artists only make money when they're dead anyway :o)
I LOVE this picture. When I walked in, the sun was shining through the window as only it can do in this part of the world.

Growing Pains

I have just driven home in tears from a friend's house, not fully understanding what the source of these tears are.
Yes, letittia is seriously and desperately ill with cancer, yes, she is a mother of two young girls, one of which has Downs Syndrome, yes she has a wonderfull husband that has tried to move the world to heal her, yes she has an extended family that absolutely adore her....and yes, for Pete's sake, I AM a trained nurse and this is nothing that I havent dealt with before!!!! What the hell is the matter with me that I am battling with this emotionally??

I have always known that I am very sensitive and feel things around me accutely. The day I met my husband, I knew that I would marry him...so cut myself off from him and wouldnt have a second date with him....my heart, soul and everything within me seemed to be in a state of panic...because I was feeling something so intense that I didn't want to or couldnt deal with it.

Letittia has lost another kg today. When I last asked, she weighed 43 kg's. She is so thin that her lack of muscle tissue does not allow for much movement and her gait is akward. Today, while reading her blood results, I went into that same state of panic. She had already read it and I could accutely sence her despair and despairation , as thickly as if it was tangible and I was seeing something which should ordinarily be just a feeling, become vividly alive and vociferous.
I am a master at hiding emotions and not reacting to life's harsher moments. Perhaps something good did come from my past childhood traumas, but then again, maybe not.

Those 4 kg that I have suddenly put on which, only this morning, was such a big deal, has become insignificant because a desperately ill young woman would celebrate them. The fact that I didnt get to cycle as usual this morning,...well, when someone battles to walk to the door of her bedroom, ...I celebrate the fact that I have healthy legs. When someone smiles and tries to have a conversation with you when the pain should have removed all smiles ....and 65 breaths per minute (the normal is around 16) should make it impossible, ...then the fact that I dont smile enough and speak more to the people who I love, it's like a bucket of ice water being thrown on me. When someone is so keen to get out to buy some baggy clothes which will cover her emaciated body, that they are happy about being pushed around in a wheelchair by an aging mom, then I should celebrate the fact that I am ABLE to walk around with my beautifull daughters, and have a bite of lunch with them, and not simply drop them off because, for whatever reason, 'I dont enjoy shopping'.

Oh Lord above, these lessons are harsh! Even if the whole purpose of Letittia's suffering is just to show some ungratefull and silly woman, not to take love, life, family, home and health for granted, then perhaps the Lord's will is not that senceless and cruel.

Taking a break!

My husband and I decided to take some time-out. Our 'holliday' was pretty much cancelled when our daughter recently burned out her clutch and it needed replacing. Hellish expensive!!!

It was absolute bliss to get away for a few days. No work, no computers or phones, no oil paint, just time to catchup. Although we both love the Cape, we both find the bush in a way, more relaxing, as there seems to be little to distract you from just simply taking a breath!
Its alsmost asif, suddenly, you are 'hearing' the nothingness, you are seeing 'everything' and nothing else matters but the space that you're in..the openness, the sounds of birds and wildlife, running water. There's nothing more beautifull or precious than creation, in its raw and wild and cruel state.

I wipped out my fancy camera and took some very unspectacular photos, but they are non-the-less pictures of a wonderfull memory

Baboons are one of my least favorite animals.
My memories of them are not great. When I was
around 20 years old, a German friend and I went hiking
in the Magaliesburg. We ended up jumping down into a gorge
into a freezing cold river because an entire troupe had
surrounded us. Their teeth are longer than that of a leopard
and they are known for their aggression, especially in the
Cape

This lone bull was hiding beautifully in some trees.
although I love elephants, I have a healthy respect for them,
also having been charged while in the Kruger Park.
They are not the easiest animals to paint and their skin requires
the same method as that of painting bark

The eye of a kudu
This is a close-up of a horn-bill
......And this is a big goga nest..... :o) (I have astounding knowledge in the fauna and flaura of our country..not)
its actually a humungus spider nest found all over the park

These are some of the close-ups which I got so excited about.....:o) (Just like a child finding its first toy in a lucky packet...for heaven sake!!!!).....they are rediculously ordinary. But I have one of those super-duper digital zooms which I think would eventually show up a split in a hair....just need to learn how to use it!!



This giraffe was cleaning its face after a delicious meal of teeny leaves and huge thorns. I took this one by knocking off Robs glases, standing on his chest and clamoring through the sky-roof. The big guy ended up staring at me with such disdain that I slithered back into the car only to have my husband look at me the same way!!!!
I love zebra. Their noisy communication is synanomous with the bush ....AND, other than elephants and water-buck, (and my son) they have the longest eye-lashes.