In this last month, I have been bombarded by life lessons, some very difficult for me to accept, some very difficult for me to process or even understand .......but all very nessesary and I have so much more to learn.

I am finding the lessons very hard but God knows I am a willing and eager student if for no other reason, but to become a better person and to teach me humility, and understanding of the human spirit....and more importantly....unconditional, love.

I went to see a friend today who has just been told that her cancer has metastesized.
Last night I cried and felt at a total loss as to what to say to this woman with two young children
who knows that she is gravely ill ...... I felt that the Lord was telling me..."NOTHING"!!!

There is nothing you can to except listen and love her and PRAY.

Don't phone her every day to ask her "how are you feeling?" because she will only really be making you feel better by saying "fine"....your concern will not improve her health but possibly only create more anxiety and heart-ache within her.

Dont expect her to be cheerfull when there is so much turmoil going on inside her...it is her own...she needs to feel the pain and anxiety in its raw state and deal with it in her own way...and in her own time.

Allow her to cry and be scared if she trusts you enough to do so with you. Feeling and expressing fear is just as important to the human spirit as laughing... YES, LAUGH, allow 'life' while alive!

Offer the help but dont expect her to always gratefully accept it.......she knows what she needs help with, when and how much......and will more than likely ask you when she's ready. (for me this was my greatest lesson...I instinctively rush in and still have to quell this!)

I know this is her own journey my heart aches and breaks for her and her family right now.

This has all happened to me before, around 17 years ago... I was not in the same space emotionally...a friend, a dear, gentle and kind soul, got breast cancer which eventually spread to her liver. She was so scared ..I couldnt cope with her dying...so I didnt, and cut myself off and I never saw her alive again. This is something that will forever be on my concience..

This time around, although I feel heart-broken and helpless, I will be there as a friend for when and however she needs me. There is not much more that I can do.

God works in mysterious ways!! In life, it takes all sorts of situations to appreciate the people that truely matter to us.

My 74 year old parents are staying with us for a few months, my dad having come to have his second knee replacement. Just when things seemed to be going so well for him, he contracted pneumonia while visiting some friends in Potch and he ended up in hospital. The resulting x-rays showed that his acute lung condition, Sarcoidosis, had flared up again, which resulted in him having to drasticaly alter his meds. This would not have happened had he not gotten ill ...... his condition would have possibly progressed unchecked.

The need to establish, controll and maintain happiness, peace and harmony in our lives, according our own human standards and perceptions and the standards and perceptions as set by the dictates of an often somewhat arrogant and self-effaced society, can dangerously blind us to the fact that God is in controll of everything, good and bad. The 'bad' will not nessesarily lead to tears and the 'good' not nessisarily to joy.....and neither will garantee our salvation!

Faith and trust go hand in hand. How can we claim to have faith in Him if we do not...as children....TRUST in Him. How can we trust our fellow man if our FAITH in His direction for our lives, good or bad, is not absolute???! Our lives are being stunted because of it....the Lord is no longer the Master but is now the servant..we ask for things, expecting it to be delivered but we do not see our lives as the Lord does...we stop living out of FEAR. Our plans are not His own!

Jesus KNEW that he was to be betrayed, flogged and crucified and yet, that did not stop him from living and loving and serving. We do not know our future and yet we are fearfull of the possibility of being betrayed, flogged and crucified and therefore, through lack of faith and trust, we cannot live and love and serve.!

If we can just prostrate ourselves before the Cross and realise that we are on this earth as His servants and the servants of our fellow man who He created in love......therein will we find our peace, harmony and happiness...

If we can only humble ourselves in our nothingness as humanity....His servants.... to deeply contemplate that His devine reasoning and plan, is based on his love for us.