CLOSING IN AND LETTING GO

 My eldest daughter is getting married in 7 weeks time which I believe, over these last few months of planning and preparation, is bringing about an emotional transition within me as a mother..from protective nurturer to bystander and more important, explorer, discoverer of a completely different world. A very strange and even frightening place for me to be.  When I walk into her bedroom now, its as if my mind consciously wants to absorb everything as it is: clothes lying around, make-up and jewelry, strewn everywhere, her smells, her pictures, her tacky little pot-plant...I feel a strange panic come over me that soon, this bedroom will be empty of all this and of her...as my little girl. I will be handing the responsibility of her welfare to a man who has only known her for five years....and not 24....I will be handing her over to go and make decisions for her own family, her own life, and have to step back when she makes decisions which could potentially harm her or take her out of the comfort and protection which I as her mom, have striven  to give her, all her life.

My own parents still phone me often. I can hear the unvoiced concern in their voice...I can hear them reaching to me in love and I understand the desperation they feel's when their children hurt.
My fear is:  Do I have that incredible strength, to continue with my own life and detach myself when my heart is breaking, if my children move to different continents and I cant share their day-to-day life like I do now.
My role as a parent is taking on a whole new direction and Lord, it's scary...but also exciting, and wonderful.  I will be gaining a fantastic new son and, God willing, be blessed with beautiful grandchildren.

But right here, right now, its a matter of getting my head around all these changes...having the maturity of spirit to understand that this is all necessary, a natural progression of life...a generational transition, that every single human being ever created, has to go through this....the transience of life itself where each phase has its own importance and blessing.

I have been really busy lately but predominantly on my own. The voices in my head have been cruel, funny, calming, inspirational and I have listened to them all.  I have thought of love and being in love, the love of family and the love of friends:

LOVE IS THE MOST POWERFUL EMOTION IN THE WORLD...ITS UNIVERSAL, UNCONDITIONAL, AND INEXPLICABLE AND UNEXPECTED AND KNOWS NO BARRIERS, NOR BOUNDARIES, NOR RACE NOR CREED.  IT JUST HAPPENS,  ITS  ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS TO FEED AND NURTURE BUT THE REWARDS ARE THE GREATEST.  TO RECOGNIZE IT IN ANOTHER...IN YOUR PARTNER....YOU HAVE TO FIRST RECOGNIZE IT IN YOURSELF.


Other than my family and "love" itself (Malvolio???) I love music .  my days are filled with all genre's of music, My trumpet has become my outlet and diversion. I wish that I had started to learn music sooner 

This is my all-time favorite love song..simplistic but beautiful


'IF'  BY BREAD

If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you?
the words will never show, the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships then where am I to go
There's no one home but you.You're all that's left me too. 
And when my love for life is running dry, 
you come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time, I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world would stop revolving, spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you and when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out 
Then you and I would simply fly away.