While at the Maritzburg rugby festival, we went to stay for a night at my parents flat in Doonside.
The older I get, and possibly, the older they get, I seem to be looking at them with a very different understanding and appreciation for everything that they have in the past and do, represent in my and my families lives; faults, failings, quirks, past and present gestures of love, all mean so much to me and was and is all part and parcel of the woman I have become....yes with faults, failings, quirks and gestures of love....all of my own.
I am a different soul born of different souls and yet all with loads of inherent behaviours and ideologies. I see them and truly love them, just for what and who they are, not only as my parents but as simple people with simple lives.......good, kind, loving and caring.
Does the past really matter if it has brought to the present, its own wisdom's and teachings and life-lessons that serve to somehow teach all through generations and genes, good, bad, happy and sad, traumas, every single experience in our life's journey....that we need to take and share as 'the elderly' one day.
I can choose a legacy of bitterness and anger that comes with having imperfect 'people' as my parents having experienced the hurts I felt as a result of their human faults and frailties, or I can chose the legacy of love and joy with comes with having someone...a mother and father, who accepted the gift of an imperfect child....ME...and raised me as best they knew how, in love, as best they understood it,.... as simple human beings, just trying to do the best they can. Being 'here' was not my choice but Gods and I am here because I was chosen to be part of this world, part of that family.....and I have a purpose and a mission that is not my own but HIS. He has put me here, full knowing that I have and will, make many mistakes in my life...and still, I am here.
I have yet to live up to His purpose...I often doubt that I will, for the cycle is continuing in me...an imperfect human, raising imperfect humans, imperfectly.