Today, our home is quiet, half of my family are on the golf course and half are working (yes, on a Sunday). The quiet has seeped into my soul...and while I paint, I'm surrounded by my own thoughts and thoughts of the people in my life who seem to be constantly battling with the demons of their past and present...seemingly, without respite. Yes, to an extent, I have been drawn in, to become part of the various dramas but only through love. Nobody has been brought into my life without a higher purpose. My faith in this is what helps me to look through, and beyond and around the human element.
I so badly need this time to replenish 'self' and if that means attempting to try and process my own hurts and those of others, well then, I need that too. I guess, I'm fortunate in being able to express a lot of emotion..... and even my dream state, through my art....Alas for some, these channels are not available.
I spoke to a member of my family yesterday, who was obviously not in a great space (he hasn't been for a while). He sadly told me that he was looking forward to 'the Armageddon'...the 'end of the world', without offering an explanation as to why he felt this way. I have friends, who still, daily, are battling with life issues, a past that is innately part of them in this present day, and a present which seemingly has no infrastructure, ability or desire to help and is merely feeding their pain and feelings of powerlessness. What wars are being waged in the human soul to cause such misery and spiritual desolation and why am I even trying to understand it ...the run-off hurts me too.
What is my role? I have none. I'm just simply here, at this time, living in this era, as ordained and directed by circumstances, some which were brought about by my own choices but mostly through those dealt by the universe and what was pre-ordained. Its all a test and a lesson, good and bad. I have my own hurts, faults and failings which, no matter how similar they seem to someone else, are my very own. I'm just simply here, doing the best can to live while I'm alive in the best possible way.
With all my heart, I know that when we begin to take full responsibly for our own lives, only then will we begin to discover the joy within....and the beautiful simplicity that feeds it.
I love deeply and care deeply but cannot direct anyone else on their own journey....its theirs. Today I read a quote that made complete sense to me while pondering the troubled lives of my loved ones:
Give, but don't allow yourself to be used.
Love, but don't allow your heart to be abused.
Trust but don't be naive.
Listen to others, but don't lose your own voice.
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