Dogs in heaven

This is Emma or Perchance Emilia. She's my 13 year old Golden Retriever and I adore her. She is my shadow, my consoller, my loyal furry friend.

Someone asked me the other day if dogs go to heaven..as a Catholic, my answer should me "no", but in honesty, our animals are such an important part of our lives, that I cant imagine any 'Heavenly' place without EVERY creation of God. He knows us as humans, and what our needs are, what brings us peace and happiness...can you imagine heaven without beautifull flowers and trees, mountains and cool springs...??? I cant. I cant imagine heaven without animals either!

Emma is the gentlest, sweetest dog in the world, she's never 'messed' in the house in her thirteen years with us, she's never growled, or bitten anything, she's suckled kittens and full grown cats, rabits and birds have sat next to her and on her, she sences my emotions I think before I do and reacts to them, dissappearing when I'm angry, licking me and sitting with her head on my lap when I'm sad. She jumped into my daughters car a few weeks ago and wouldnt get out till she'd been taken for a drive around the block....she is the first one to come with me at night to fetch one of my children...sitting in the front seat...once I left her in the car for the whole night, only to find her quite happy ,calm and ready to go again the next morning....without any of the expected 'mishaps' one would normally find in leaving a dog in a car the whole night!!!.

Em, I love you my doggy angel!!!!

Hidden talents revealed

My daughter has been away now for almost a month and Lord knows how much we all miss this vivacious, in-your-face, beautiful and precious girl. Her boyfriend Brandon has fortunately been spending a lot of time with us and what a blessing he has been. He gets most of the news from Bron and shares it with us. Theirs is a new romance but a mom's heart knows, that this is a 'forever' one. By staying with us, he has helped us to fill an empty bed and hopefully, we as a family have helped him to fill an empty heart. We love him, this deep and soulfull young man and he is 'one of us' now.

He has been encouraged to follow up on his talents and I have eagerly been happy to help him get started...started?!!!....hardly!!! This young man has a natural talent. His drawings are detailed and done with passion...his first painting ever, of Cheryl Cole, is looking amazing and I cant wait to see the finished product. This is to be a present for Bron..there is LOTS of feeling going into it. He has also taught us all how to make sushi and nyoki...its wonderfull having a chef in the family!!!!

Crossed paths and faith

This the painting I started last week and which I've decided to dedicate to Lettitia. I'm not sure at this stage where it's going but I'm just slowly (and I do mean slowly) working on it and watching to see where it will go. it's fairly sombre at the moment, obviously in keeping with the mood that had enveloped me when I started, but my intention is to bring a happy contrast into it and build up layers of scenes, and feelings and images, those that I feel and sence but often battle to interperate.
Last week I went with her to Klerksdorp to help her during her final week of Rife treatment. Never in my life have I encountered someone who is so determined to change the seemingly impossible. This has been an extraordinary journey for me, of observation, growth, appreciation of the human spirit. Waking up every day to the sound of the oxygen machine, watching her struggle with everyday things like taking a breath, eating, walking, sleeping, talking...quietly reading her book, staring into space...I have been humbled, secretly in tears, but seeing, possibly for the first time, that we are all related, all connected somehow...that this stranger, who I met but a year ago, is important and dear to me, that although our paths are very different, they have, by fate, crossed and for some inexplicaable reason, I am helping her on this leg of her journey. In as much as she's determined to get well, I am as doubtful of my ability to see what she does and stay positive. So then why me????

Beutiful soul, heal...get better, this is my prayer for you. Should this not be ordained for you then be at peace for you are loved

A revival

These are some of the photos I took when I first got my camera. The one on the left was taken when my sister and I went on one of our numnerous hikes to Mpumalanga. I havent done much this year, but plan to do way more in 2011

I love this ..I wanted to paint it at one stage

I think you can just see the little bee :o)

Yesterday, I went for my usual run..but it wasnt usual. It was 7:05 pm and almost dark! I would have been besides myself if any of my three children decided to go running at that time, but I guess you know the saying about doctors, nurses and teachers; they make the worst in the home environment.

For me it was less about the excercise and more about the need to 'breath' in this time and space. It was a beautiful, night last night, with clear sky's, a bright moon and cool crisp air...and I wanted to truely feel this within my soul to become one with it, be part of the nothingness, the peace, the realness.

The minute I closed the gate behind me, my sences were suddenly alive and I could hear everything! The quiet, the darkness, the shadows, which should have intimidated me, but only served to make me want to claim this beautiful night as I saw it, without threat or danger. I was hearing the black backed Jackal calling, the continuous high-pitched anthem of the bush crickets and their less vociferous brothers, the peacocks, the bullfrogs,..all were joined in an impromptu recital, with the rythmic falling of my running shoes, acting as conductor.

Running past huge homes with their high walls which had suddenly come to life with sound and smell. Dogs, plovers on nests, all admonished me for disturbing their peace.

On arriving home, I stripped naked and fell into the pool, floating under the light of the moon, hearing nothing but the sound of my own breathing.

I saw the stars last night...I saw the moon, ....I heard creation and Oh Lord, it made me happy!

A deep introspection

The Battle
I feel you once more, dark omnence, your need to flatter me with attention
Illusory thoughts, perverse in your cruel deceptions of loss and baseless disapproval.
You speak anger and rejection and restlessness into my faithful heart
Allowing self-ridicule and fabrication to take hold and slowly mould this tortured mind.

Stay away !! lest I fail to rise above this wave for I grow gradually weak
Not much remains now to embolden me as I flail in this darkness you bring.
Today, perhaps only today, I have no strength to bring up the cudgel,
I have no strength to nurse self love and fight off your haughty spite!

Oh angel, thou who has guarded this redemptive soul in love and mercy
See this battle raging, pray don't renounce this weak and uncertain wreck
diffuse this wretchedness and undo this grim mindedness that I cannot
For I am not prepared and do not recognise its form or its subtle bearer

I have just finished writing this and I was surprised how the words just flowed ...from where?
I thing everyone has battles to face, the hardest being the internal ones which are the worst ones, where nobody can hear you or see the torment. It can be the quiet killer which leads to a sickened spirit and ultimately, body.
I felt a bit like this today, but find solitude in my art and music and I guess in the peace which I try and make a conscious effort to surround myself with.

What caused this?. A million things. and nothing. I give my heart readily and that can cause such anguish when its not seen and received for what it is...your whole life, the source of your life the essence of your being.
I understand solitude as it is safe. .and now I seek it.

What the......??!

Aaaagh....just seen some more orbs! Holy smoke, we had a LOT of guests at that braai

Books and Beasts

Of course, I managed (only just as a weekend is a very short time), to do what I love. I managed to do these only bby waking up really early...5:45 am on Saturday and 5:00 am this morning.

I love drawing but get frustrated as I havent learnt to draw quickly and tend to want to add too much detail. My journalling is my life and I have recently began adding pen drawings to my scribbles which I think will progress into something better, quicker and more expressive.

This morning, while sitting enjoying the sunrise, I noticed a group of Wildebees and Zebra, about 50 meters away. I grabbed my 'Steven Spielberg', and in my inconspicuous white geans, charged after them through the bush. after about 500 meters, I stood on a Soetdoorn thorn and totally blew my Rambo-ette rush to get the shot of the year by hopping around around on my remaining foot trying to prize out this three inch creation of Satan.

The Wildebees gave a snort and all I saw was dust.

Ok, so now I know that I will never be a world famous photographer...its all up to my art now.